Recently I have been thinking back on a time in my life that was not so fun. It was a time where I felt I didn’t fit in at all. I also had pressure from a “mentor” of sorts to basically my square self fit into a round hole…as we all know that doesn’t work. Let me tell you, I tried and tired very hard to be a round peg. At first I thought that is what I was supposed to do. After a while I realized that God didn’t make me round, he made me square for a reason! To my “mentor” I looked like I was rebelling but in reality I was doing what I thought was right for me and for the girls I was “mentoring.”
I spent two years under the pressure and label of not being good enough and it took its toll. I was trying so hard to not be who I really was. I was told that I needed to “go outside my comfort zone” when honestly my personality didn’t reach the lengths that these people wanted from me. Some thought that was an excuse for me to not participate in some activities…some really did thing that I needed to “comfort zone” when in reality every day I lived outside my comfort zone and pushed the boundaries of what I was capable of. When you try to hard to be someone you aren’t I think it shows very clearly to those you are talking to. For me personally I can see right through those people so I am sure that others could see through my guise.
When I think about that time I just want to forget it. I want to forget the pain of not being accepted for who I was. I want to forget all the people I tried to befriend or thought I was friends with and found out several years later that they could care less. The people that I know care I am in touch with (just incase some of you are reading this!) and I cherish the times that we spent together and all the things we went through. Some of you I couldn’t have gotten through this time without your kindness and friendship!
Ok, enough of that tangent… Really what I wanted to say that even though I want to forget that pain I learned so much about myself at that time. At the end of my time of those two years I met my husband. I also believe that the experience helped me in dealing with being a “gaming wife” with all the late hours, sudden moves and craziness that comes with this odd sort of job.
Every moment in our lives shapes us into who we are. Sometimes those moments are hard, scary, wonderful, beautiful…but we always walk away with something more than when we arrived in that situation.
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