Trust

Trust is something you earn. At least in my life that’s the way it goes. If that trust is broken you will have to go WAY out of your way to prove to me that you are trustworthy once again.

Does that mean I will be nice to you? Sure. Does that mean I will allow anything to go beyond what is on the surface? No. Does that mean I will hold you at arms length? You bet ya. Does that mean I will forget what you did? No way! I will always remember what you did and keep in the back of my mind as a reminder to myself in case I see signs of it happening again.

Harsh, yes I know, but I have been burned too many times. The main person was one I was born to and was supposed to be able to trust completely and be loved unconditionally by. That person can be sent a thank you note for creating me the way that I am in this respect. Often surrounding my emotional connection with others in steel bars and locks. And for those who have wronged me that means I pretty much throw away the key. That’s really the only way I can protect myself from it happening over and over again - I allowed it over and over again by the above mentioned “nobody” and I refuse to allow strangers or acquaintances to do the same.

Yes, I know this came out of no where – it’s just me thinking outloud so please don’t read into it

Moms don’t get sick days

How do I know? Well, because I’m living it right now. If I had a job that I clocked into every day, I would have called in the last two days. No, I’m not on my deathbed but I sure feel terrible. It’s hard for me to focus because my head is so clouded. I’m forgetting things and really the only thing I have on my mind is climbing into bed after putting Kian in his and its only 4PM…four more hours to go.

One (without kids) might wonder what I am talking about. Maybe wondering what is so hard about caring for a child when you are sick? Well, my two year old has more energy in his little toe than I do in my whole body right now. My ears feel like they are going to explode anytime I bend over which makes playing more difficult. I’m not able to rest, relax nothing unless he is because I need to keep my eye on him to make sure he’s not doing something wrong or that he’s ok in general. He also needs to have a clean diaper, be fed, needs to be played with, needs hugs and kisses…ok some of those are easier than others but really when you should be concentrating on healing yourself you have to be mindful of another human being who needs you in order to survive.

I am only hoping that today is the worst of it and I will start getting better from here on out….and also having the hope that this virus somehow skips the rest of my family.

My Current Favorite Author

So, a few months ago I watched a movie based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks. The movies was The Notebook and it was one of those movies where I wanted to watch it one more time before I sent it back to Netflix. I passed though because it took me two days to attempt to finish this movie since I watched it during Kian's naps and when Jamie wasn't home.

Then, right after my birthday, we headed on our monthly Costco run and there were 4 books written by Nicholas Sparks. They were all less than $8 each! I decided to scoop them up with some my birthday money. I have been slowly reading through them. I am trying to savor the words but I want to DEVOUR them. Sparks is a writer whose words grab you by the shoulders firmly and your mind demands that you keep reading!

I finished A Walk to Remember (have a Kleenex box for this one!) and watched the movie. Although the movie is loosely based on the novel I still felt it was really good - not to mention, Shane West is definitely not a hard actor to watch!

I just finished reading The Notebook. Very good book...slightly different from the movie in quite a few scenes (but then again what movie isn't!) but the book had me hanging on every last word again. Even though I knew the outcome of the story I was still captivated on how it would all come about.

So anyway, if you are looking for a good read pick up Sparks.

My Neglected Blog

I know no one probably reads this thing anyway, but I know I have really been neglecting it. I found MySpace this fall and started posting on my blog there. Well, for some reason I was reminded of this blog and decided to breath some new life into it. A reminder though. This Blog is for me to plant some of my more random thoughts and insights so buckle your seat belts ;)